No shit, thanks for existing. I need an outlet, because I have so many fucking feelings lately. It's disgusting. What the fuck, self?
So, without too much detail, because this is the internet and I'm not stupid as shit, nothing is going the way I had planned.
I never expected my life to go exactly according to plan, and for the past couple of years I've not really had too many plans, but man, I am not where I want to be. I want to be away from here, mostly, but I want to feel content in what I'm doing and comfortable in my own skin. Is that so much to ask? Is it? I feel like it might be. I know most people don't know exactly what they want to be doing or what they want out of life, but some people have it so figured out, and they're all the people I've resented for years anyway, so there's an extra sting, right?
Seriously. It seems like it's the same people who have had things figured out for years, and maybe they have. Or maybe they're just not creative enough to fuck up and take risks or something. Is it just cunts who get the easy lives?
And I'm not saying my life isn't easy. It is. I have a good job and my folks are great and stuff, I just can put my finger on why things aren't right. I'm afraid of settling, maybe, but if it's settling, that would be suggesting I had actual goals which I don't. I just UGH. FEEL THINGS. WHAT THE FUCK.
I don't have class tomorrow morning, and that is just about the best news ever. That means I can start tackling the colossal pile of crap I have to have done by May 6. My last final is the 9th, and that is spectacular, but we're going to the Derby on the 6th & 7th. I'm gone this weekend to Memphis in May, and my mom's birthday is coming up. In the interim, I have 2 papers, a resume, an interview, and a stockroom to take care of. Woops.
I'm really hoping I can find a decent job somewhere for the summer, and a good job for the fall, too. I know I'm not done with school at this stage, but I'm putting off picking another college and major and all that until I have a damn clue about what I want to do.
I wish someone would just want to pack up and move with me. I think a change of scenery could put things in perspective really well.
You know, I still like the format of Xanga better than LJ or Blogspot or Tumblr. I just never ever use it. Rereading my old posts is hilarious and nauseating, though. Always a good time.
Um, I'm also going to Canopy for the first time tonight, and I'm pumped. Piano man is playing. And then I'm gonna watch Twilight. Well, actually in the other order, haha. It's bucket night at Beverly, and I ain't about to miss it.
What else?
Here's my schedule for next semester.
Monday: Latin - 12-1 Animation - 3-5
Tuesday: Postwar German Cinema - 10-12 Latin -12-1 Science Fiction - 2-3:15 Gender and Language - 3:30-5
Wednesday Latin - 12-1 Animation 3-5 Human Sexuality - 630-815
Thursday Postwar German Cinema - 10-12 Latin - 2-315 Science Fiction - 2-3:15 Gender and Language - 3:30-5
